After completing each level, Sam the eagle poops on Trump. Screenshot courtesy of itunes.com

App review: 5 out of 5 stars

Picture this: A majestic eagle, wings flapping heavily in the blue sky, poised with an extreme sense of purpose as it steers through holes in brick walls. The eagle struggles to arrive at its destination: Directly above the head of Donald Trump. He is unaware of the courageous bird above him as the eagle releases a patriotic poop missile upon its target. Trump lets out a roar as the poop engulfs his entire body. America is saved, Sam the eagle has delivered divine retribution.

If you are aware of who Donald Trump is then I apologize because no one should have to go through the trauma of knowing who Donald Trump is.

If you are one of those fortunately unaware then I will enlighten you: Trump began to taint our society with his presence after his father gave him a small loan of a million dollars. He used this money to become the leader of many companies. Trump had a reality show called “The Apprentice” where he would tell contestants “you’re fired” if they didn’t prove to him that they were an awesome businessperson. He used this fame to insult women, minorities and anyone else who opposed him or his haircut.

Notable examples of Trump’s evil are when he was accused of raping his ex-wife back in the ‘90s, his tweet on the military rape epidemic where he stated “Well what do you expect when you put men and women together?” and his comments about how he would sex up his daughter if she wasn’t related to him. There are many more examples I could share but that would fill multiple newspapers and ain’t nobody got time for that.

He’s now more famous for his racism. Trump became Donalf Trumpler (Adolf Hitler 2.0) when he said Muslim immigrants and refugees shouldn’t be allowed entry to the U.S. and proposed that Muslims should wear some type of identification. Trump also called Mexican immigrants thieves and rapists while that description would actually better suit Trump himself.

This guy sounds like a major turd, right? Well I have good news — you can now see this literal turd get covered with animated turds thanks to an app called “Trump Dump.”

The gameplay is a reversed version of “Flappy Bird.” You tap your phone screen to make the eagle go down instead of up. The hard part is getting the eagle to go through the holes in every brick wall. Every time you make it through all of the walls to poop on Trump, you win and start the next level.

Despite being perfect, there are some recommendations I have. It’s clear that the app was cheaply made, it is free after all, but a better caricature of Trump and actual drawn falling poops (rather than Apple poop emojis) would improve the game’s aesthetic. For every level you beat the eagle is supposed to drop that same number of poops. For example, when you beat level five Sam the eagle drops five poops.

Around level ten the eagle stops adding more poops to go along with your victories and it makes it less satisfying when you see the same ten poops drop on Trump each time. I’m currently on level 50 of the game; it would be so fulfilling to see a giant cascade of fifty poop emojis bury Trump when I win this round.

Despite these few gripes, I can honestly say the app is addicting and fun after you get the hang of its controls. Plus “Trump Dump” is an app so amazing that when Trump heard about it he threatened to sue Apple if the game reached 10 million downloads.

It’s up to us, as Americans, to download this game. Even if you won’t actually play it. Download it to do your part in helping Apple defeat Trump. With your assistance we can make America less bad again.

Alisabeth Otto is a staff writer for The Dakota Student. She can be reached at [email protected]