Rhombus Guys serves great pizza

Rhombus Guys is as much a part of Grand Forks as the Red Pepper or developing a severe distrust of the weatherman. Located in downtown Grand Forks, Rhombus Guys has built a reputation for serving the best pizza around. It also serves gourmet sandwiches and salads, but going to Rhombus Guys to order a salad is kind of like going to Disneyworld just to stay in your tiny hotel room.

As a colleague and I entered the restaurant on a Friday night, we were greeted by a very typical, almost unimpressive setup — bar on the left, with a few booths tucked away on the right. We also were greeted by the information that it would be a 45-minute wait to be seated, which almost prompted us to try a different restaurant.

But if a small pizza place in North Dakota has a wait that long, it must be on to something. Or it has incredibly terrible service, but we hoped for the former.

We took our near hour-long break to explore all the scenic alleyways downtown Grand Forks had to offer, and once back in Rhombus Guys we were escorted to the second story seating. The atmosphere of the upper level reminded me of the kicka** tree house I always wanted as a child but never got due to square parents and an unfortunate lack of trees.

The walls were covered in pictures and random memorabilia, which made for a very inviting atmosphere. Each table was covered in a long white paper, and to my pure childlike excitement the server left us a handful of crayons as she went to get our drinks. Rhombus Guys knows college kids, and college kids love dumb yet mildly entertaining stuff like that.

My joy was brief, however, as I quickly realized that out of our eight crayons, three were the same shade of red and one was incompetent white. What in the lord’s name kind of selection is that? I can’t draw a realistic giraffe with three red crayons and a white.

Utterly infuriating, and I sincerely hope management at Rhombus guys is looking to remedy the situation.

After getting over this initial disappointment, I had a chance to look at the menu. With over 30 kinds of pizza to choose from, we settled for the intimidatingly named T-Rex. The pizza consisted of marinara sauce, Canadian bacon, sausage, pepperoni, beef, bacon and mozzarella cheese for the price of $21.99. That’s incredibly expensive for a pizza, and it wasn’t even their largest size.

Many of the largest pizzas at Rhombus Guys can run for $27 without tax. Do you know what you can buy for $27? You could buy a set of snorkeling flippers, four party poppers, a box of sidewalk chalk and still have money left over for a bottle chocolate milk. You tell me what you’d have more fun spending your money on.

After losing several games of red-colored hangman, our T-Rex was brought to us. It goes without saying that it was the best pizza I’ve had in years. The vegan’s nightmare brought before us was piled high with meat, so much so the thin and crispy crust could hardly support it.

It took an enormous amount of hard work, intestinal fortitude and moxie, but my friend and I each managed to consume our half of the pizza. I’d be afraid to look at the calorie count for the night, but even if I had gained a pound of raw unflattering body fat directly to my second chin, I would still consider eating that pizza well worth it.

When it’s all said and done, Rhombus Guys has exceptional pizza for an exceptional(ly high) price. Due to this mix of wonderful and expensive, I’m giving Rhombus Guys a solid 4 out of 5 stars.

If you are on the fence about ordering one of their pizzas, give it a try, and you won’t be disappointed. Just remember to bring your own crayons.

Brendan McCabe is a staff writer for The Dakota Student. He can be reached at [email protected].