Five Guys Burgers and Fries is one of those magical things where if you tell someone you’ve never tried it, they will actively dislike you. The typical response to saying you have never been to Five Guys is, “Oh my God, you’ve never been to Five Guys!?” followed by an explanation of why you have been living under a rock all of your life.

With that in mind, I’ll try to sum up the way I feel about the restaurant as eloquently as I can: This place kicks more a** than Batman and the United States Marine Corps combined.

Upon entering the restaurant’ you are greeted with a red and white color scheme and a small maze composed of sacks of potatoes destined to become Five Guys fries. The atmosphere inside reminded me of a cross between a particularly fun graduation party and White Castle.

As an appetizer, all guests are welcome to fill a small dish with peanuts from a box at the front of the restaurant. While I cannot say if you can have unlimited peanuts, I can say I went back for a second dish without so much as a dirty look from the staff.

An average hamburger at Five Guys comes in at a price of $6.38, which at first glance sounds entirely unimpressive.

However, it also comes with two patties and 15 different toppings ranging from grilled onions to relish to jalapeno peppers at no additional charge.

Because I have the palate of a picky five year old that’s been overly coddled by its mother, I chose only four of these toppings.

Upon receiving the burger, I was shocked by how tall it was. You know how tall a McDonald’s Big Mac looks in their ads? It was at least that tall, which is roughly twice the height of a Big Mac in real life.

With all of that useless information out of the way, it’s time to move on to what really matters: Taste.

We’ve all heard the phrase that eating a certain food “was like a party in my mouth and everyone was invited.” The first bite of my Five Guys burger “was like a low key VIP-only-charity concert in my mouth where Justin Bieber was scheduled to play, but had to cancel, and Adele showed up instead.”

Every ingredient in the burger was fresh and flavorful, and the only time I was disappointed was when it was gone. Now was the time to move on to the fries.

I have always heard great things about Five Guys’ fries, so I had no problem shelling out almost $3 for their smallest size.

But much like a honey badger or Bruce Lee, size is relative. Though the cup the fries come in was fairly small, the bottom of the bag was completely covered in stray fries. This is a move by Five Guys employees that I can only describe as being extremely bro. Effectively, you get twice as many fries as you pay for. Effectively, that’s awesome.

I ordered the Cajun style fries while a friend ordered the traditional kind, and throughout the night I “appropriated” his side dish “for journalism,” which is not to be confused with “stealing” because everything tastes better when it’s stolen.

Five Guys hand cuts its potatoes every day, and its fries certainly set themselves apart from the greasy styrofoam texture of most fast food fries.

It’s refreshing to bite into a fry that tastes and feels like it came from a legitimate potato. The traditional flavored fries were excellent, but the Cajun style fries were phenomenal.

An interesting quirk of the restaurant is that along with ketchup, malt vinegar is also an option for dunking your fries.

Though I’m always wary of anything Canadian, our neighbors to the north hit the nail on the head with this one. Dipping a Five Guys Cajun style fry into a cup of malt vinegar is one of the purest joys in life.

A full meal at Five Guys can easily run over $10, but there is no way you could be disappointed with the results. Five Guys effortlessly earns five out of five stars for its charming atmosphere, speedy service and its use of incredibly fresh ingredients.

Brendan McCabe is a staff writer for The Dakota Student. He can be reached at [email protected].