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Time for some driving lessons

A satirical look at driving in North Dakota

Quinn Robinson-Duff, Staff Writer

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Grand Forks drivers are just God awful. They are too slow. Drivers around here don’t know how to handle any kind of traffic and they stop for pedestrians. Driving here can be just as frustrating as driving in a big city. I’m from Chicago and the biggest culture shock has to be the ludicrous driving abilities of the citizens of Grand Forks.

First off, when did anybody say it was okay to drive below a speed limit, especially in the fast lane? Speed limits are mere suggestions for the drivers unless there is a cop. When a cop is around, you stomp on the brakes and look straight ahead while anxiously watching the rear view mirror to make sure the cop isn’t chasing you. Dealing with drivers below the speed limit makes me go bananas. I start screaming and getting road rage, nearly crashing into other cars out of pure frustration.

Going the speed limit is only acceptable when traffic is built up and you can hardly move. I’d rather have that then people who drive under the speed limit on an open road. See, in rush hour traffic it’s everyone’s fault and it’s hard to point blame but when it’s a sole driver. Other than rush hour, drivers should go on average 5-10 over the speed limit on a normal day and if you actually have to go somewhere like work or the store. Then you can go 15 over. Higher than that you’re just trying to race me and you’re going to lose.

In Chicago, we do not drive the speed limit in the left lane. That lane is reserved for faster cars and normal people. Also, do not try and get out of my way if you see me weaving through traffic because that’s just asking for an accident. I see you. I will go around you. Don’t sweat about it, I’m not trying to cause an accident.

Drivers here do not know how to handle other cars on the road and that makes them a hazard to everyone else. It’s not even typical old people driving either. My grandma will gladly go 10 over and weave through traffic. Here, I’m scared to death that a driver will turn in front of me when I am speeding past them. Don’t be the jerk that sees me having fun and wants to ruin it by cutting me off. I will crash into you.

Another thing – drivers that stop for me while I’m crossing Columbia Hall, I appreciate it. But stop doing it, I am jaywalking and I’ll wait for you.

Also, when you stop, cars in the fast lane may not. Then you will have to wait for us to inevitably slow yourself down so we can wait for the cars in the other lane Drivers here either need to stay in the country or learn to drive in urban environments. I suggest separate driver’s licenses for urban and country environments. Driving in the country and driving in a city are completely different. In the country, you need to worry about animals and dirt roads, but in cities you need to focus on other drivers. If you want to drive in a town with a larger population than 45,000 you have to learn to drive in a city of 300,000 or greater.

Quinn Robinson-Duff is an opinion writer for Dakota Student. He can be reached at quinn.robinsonduff@und.edu

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The student news site of University of North Dakota
Time for some driving lessons