I recently wrote an article a few months back about how famous YouTuber Nicole Arbour’s video “Dear Fat People” was distasteful and harmful. While her video was popular, it created controversy as she directed the video to a segment of a popular series she defined as “too fat to function.”

Now as I move forward and looked at the news, I was shocked to learn that her former ex is claiming he abused her.

Circling around the Internet is a video called “My Abuse Story”, which upcoming YouTuber Matthew Santoro posted to his channel. In the video, he expresses how he was torn down by his past partner and how he suffered from physical and mental signs of domestic abuse. I noticed that inside the video he never directly mentions Arbour by name. But the timeline of the video suggests Santoro shared his story shortly after things didn’t work out a third time with Arbour, his former partner.

Looking into this issue I would argue that it is not fair to pick a side, as I find it hard to believe one person over the other. Instead, I want to make sure  people understand two things. It’s easy to think men cannot be victims of abuse, but that is not accurate.

Men are affected just like women are when it comes to abuse and it is a topic that deserves being spoken about.

The notion that women are not capable of being abusers is inaccurate as well. The topic of abuse is not something that we can make faulty suggestions about. It is painful, and a hurtful experience for survivors to endure. Both men and women can be abusers and victims.

Though the example I write about is a rare case, it’s important that as we hear about other conflicts and instances that we keep our ears and mouth open. Arbour may have said some tasteless stuff in her past but until an investigation is done on the issue at hand, she doesn’t deserve the accusations until proven guilty. And in the instance of Santoro, I would hope the validation and support he is getting from fans and things is overhaul.

This is a messy situation and I would how that we would turn our  heads to the facts and not just the media. Remembering abuse is still a prevalent issue in our society is key, and understanding that it’s not just get something we can sweep up.

Amina Chinnell-Mateen is a staff writer for The Dakota Student. She can be reached at [email protected]