Seeing as my wallet was recently drained by a trip to Rhombus Guy’s this weekend, I opted for something a tad more affordable: Deek’s Pizza. With a slogan like “Great pizza that won’t empty your pockets,” I figured it was a safe bet.

After browsing their site online, I easily found a page of all the deals Deek’s was offering for the day. This was a tidbit that was mysteriously lacking from Rhombus Guy’s site, so it was quite refreshing to see. After sifting through a few bargains, I opted to buy the three topping XX large pizza with 10 chicken wings and a two-liter bottle of soda for $22.

Because it was storming and I was almost completely out of cares to give for the day, I decided to have the pizza delivered to my residence. After calling the restaurant, I was quickly put on hold and subjected to music that can only be described as a ‘70s fever dream. Get with the times, Deek’s. I only accept hold music that sounds like a ‘90s fever dream at the very latest.

Once the acid flashback to the disco era was over, I placed my order. My request for Dr. Pepper was politely shot down, and I was told that Deek’s Pizza only served Pepsi products. Instead of instantly hanging up to this news, I settled for a bottle of Pepsi. It was a bit like going to a Lamborghini dealership and leaving with a bike has two deflated tires, but I was already halfway through the order so I rolled with it.

After what seemed like a very short half hour, the food was    delivered to my doorstep. I cautiously opened the Pepsi, and was happy to see that it didn’t explode in my hands.

If I was supposed to deliver a meal to some punk college kid in the middle of a storm, the least I would have done is shook up his pop out of spite.

The Deek’s deliveryman was clearly a stronger man than I, and I also learned it’s probably for the best that I don’t work in the food service industry.

My roommate and I started off with the BBQ flavored wings, and the best word to describe them is “nice,” said in a marginally excited tone. But definitely not too excited. Roughly equivalent to the “nice” you would say if you won $2 on a $2 scratch off card.

They were small enough to have come from a chickadee, but they also were tasty enough for us to eat most of thwem before switching over to the main course.

The XX large is definitely not false advertising. The box that it came in was almost two feet across. The second thing I noticed was the pizza was sliced in the most asinine way possible. It was cut into 16 squares, but each slice ranged from tiny to enormous. The slices literally would have been more uniform if the pizza had been thrown into a wood chipper. This clearly did not affect the taste, but it was still worth noting.

We opted for sausage, pepperoni and Canadian bacon on our pizza, and overall the flavor was quite good. The real Wisconsin mozzarella cheese that was advertised was certainly a high point, and I frequently had to hold back my inner 5-year-old from just eating the toppings and leaving behind that crust. That is not to say the crust was any bad on its own, and we ate it just as greedily as the rest of the pizza.

It breaks my chubby little heart to say it, but we could not finish the entire pizza on our own. Two large slices remained, mocking our puny stomachs with their mere existence.

Update: Deek’s Pizza tastes just as good cold the next morning.

Update: I got the last laugh, you stupid pizza.

When it’s all said and done, Deek’s has a 3 star pizza that is bumped up to a 4 with its stellar price. If you want to order a pizza on a Friday night with some friends, ditch the chain restaurants and go with Deek’s. Your taste buds and your wallet will thank you.

Brendan McCabe is the features editor for The Dakota Student. He can be reached at [email protected].