As some of you may or may not know, I can be a bit of a robot. Emotions and I don’t get along. Emotions don’t make sense. They cloud reason and judgement far too often for my taste.

I hate that sadness doesn’t have an off switch and that happiness takes more than just a birthday party. In a nutshell, Spock and I would get along really well.

One of the first papers I ever wrote in college revolved around the overstating of the importance of friendship.

Though I still stand by my original thesis; that we place too much emphasis on cultivating personal relationships and not enough time learning to be an independent, self-sufficient individual, I have come to learn that independence doesn’t always mean making the journey alone.

It is important to be able to fend for yourself and to not need to rely on others, but there is no shame in allowing your friends to see your vulnerability.

Every now and then, it amazes me that my friends put up with me. Every now and then, it amazes me that I put up with my friends. There is a give and take that I saw in my parents’ relationship that I thought only existed in successful marriages, not successful relationships of all types.

I can say I’ve been there for my friends in the past, and I can also say they’ve been there for me.It seems like a trivial realization, that friends can be there for you when needed, but it was something that took me too long to learn.

I am extremely self reliant. I never realized that could be a fault. By denying my friends the knowledge of the darker aspects of my life and personality, I was turning the relationship into something selfishly one-sided. By not sharing all of myself, I was keeping a semblance of control over the friendship.

By doing all of the giving, I was also doing all the taking. I liked feeling needed, but I didn’t like needing them. I had to keep that sense of independence.

Independence and friendship can coexist. Friendship does not mean, as I used to believe, having a crutch to lean on in hard times, or playing the crutch to a friend when they need it.

Friendship is the reason you keep moving. It is the motivator, not the enabler.

When I left for college, I left an environment that did not hold many close friends. I didn’t think twice about leaving home. Now that I’m looking at grad school applications, I find myself thinking about how I’ll keep these friendships I’ve made over the past five years alive if I move away.

This isn’t to say I grew up friendless. I had good friends as a kid, some of whom I’m still in contact with today.

However, these relationships did not see the level of intimacy that my adult friendships see. My childhood friends had similar interests, but my adult friends have similar needs. In my childhood, I was friends with people because of what they did. As an adult, I’m friends with people because of who they are.

I’m not trying to undervalue the friendships I had as a child, just illustrating how I’ve grown as a person. My friends, both past and present, have shaped me into the independent person I am today.

This is what brings me back to my initial statement about being robotic. Until recently, I thought of friends as I did emotions; often nice experiences but ultimately things that get in the way of reason.

I may not understand my need for other people, but I have embraced it. Love is not logical, but it makes it no less important.

Thanks to my friends, this tin man finally has a heart.

Kjerstine Trooien is a staff writer for The Dakota Student. She can be reached at [email protected].