I can’t spend the rest of my life in North Dakota, the land of tiny towns. Some people like the small town feel, and that’s great — for them.

I, on the other hand, hate the small town mentality. This isn’t to say I hate Grand Forks. So far, this city has been my favorite place I’ve lived yet. What I can’t stand is the suffocating feeling that comes from knowing everyone and everything.

I’ve been to many big cities: Minneapolis/St. Paul, Washington D.C., Paris, Rome and London to name a few. I love the atmosphere. There is something about being able to completely disappear in a crowd that I find attractive.

In small towns, you always run into people you know. Every outing turns into a reunion. Grand Forks, the biggest place I have ever lived, doesn’t suffer from this the way my most recent hometown, Astoria, Ill. — population 200ish — does. If I go for a walk in Grand Forks, I only run into one or two people who know me. If I go for a walk in Astoria, it turns into coffee with a long lost relative, whether I want it to or not.

Gossip spreads quickly in small towns as well. If you screw up, everyone knows. The people of small towns feed on gossip the same way the pigeons of big cities do bread crumbs. As a friend back from my high school days once said about our hometown, “Everyone knows everything about everyone here. If they don’t know something, they make it up.”

Miss a basket in the big game? You’re tortured about it every time you go to the gas station. Get caught sneaking out to meet a boy? Guess what next Sunday’s sermon is about? Granted, these might be exaggerations, but the point remains the same. In small towns, you can’t blend in.

There is always something new in a big city. There is always someone you haven’t met or somewhere you haven’t been. You can completely reinvent yourself every time you walk through a different neighborhood. It is incredibly freeing after dealing with the suffocation of small town life.

Again, I’m not trying to rag on small towns. I just really do not like them, and I have valid reasons. If small town living is something you like, then good for you. Embrace it and love it. But don’t hate me because I can’t stand living in what feels like an itty-bitty hellhole. Just as there are people who find big cities repulsive, the opposite exists as well. I happen to be one of those weirdos.

Both sizes have their problems. I realize that crime tends to be higher in big cities, and I realize that pollution and smog can be an issue. But small towns have their problems as well; they are far from the idyllic Rockwell paintings we seem to think they are.

A small part of me feels bad for rejecting the places I’ve come from. After all, I have never lived in a city larger than Grand Forks. Small towns are part of what made me who I am. As much as I try to hide it, I really am a small town girl. I just don’t want to stay that way.

I need a big city. I need a place where I can be free to be myself. Grand Forks has been a wonderful transitional space for that. I may not want to live here the rest of my life, but I certainly don’t regret my decision to move to the frosty north.

Kjerstine Trooien is a staff writer for The Dakota Student. She can be reached at kjerstine.trooien@my.und.edu.