So, it’s my birthday tomorrow (the 16th of October). I’m turning twenty-three.

I’m not old, not by a long shot, but I’m starting to dread that one day a year. Before long, I’ll be twenty five, then thirty, then sixty, then –hopefully– one hundred. It’s terrifying. I’m twenty-three and I feel like I’m running out of time.

I think part of my problem is that I, for one reason or another, had twenty-three as my “age”. Ever since I can remember, I always assumed that by twenty-three, I’d have it all figured out. I’d be done with school, or at least done with my undergrad. I’d be married with kids. I’d be financially stable…basically, I thought I’d be all the things I’m not yet.

I have another year of undergrad left. I’m not dating anyone, let alone married. I am not planning of having kids of my own. I am about as far from financially stable as most typical college students are.

I think the thing that has come as the biggest shock, though, is the fact that everything is just as complicated as it was five years ago. Nothing is simple. Nothing is black and white. Thanks in part to romantic comedies, I had this idea that once I hit the arbitrary age of twenty-three, everything would magically fall into place.

I’d get the offer for my dream job. The man of my dreams would magically appear and sweep me off of my feet. I would have three kids, delivered painlessly while I glowed with the dew of motherhood…I was a bit naive, to say the least. Nothing is simple and everything is grey. There is no magical age where the puzzle pieces of life come together to form a mosaic of a person.

But, this is okay. See, in a way, that kind of life would be boring. I can tell you right now that I am happy that I am not where I wanted to be five years ago.

I would be miserable as a medical student. I don’t want to sacrifice my life to my hypothetical children yet –actually, I never want to sacrifice my life to my children. I may not be financially stable, but I have a safety net, which I am incredibly grateful for. The idea of getting married in the next year is about as terrifying to me as stone angels –hello, Whovians–.

Life may be short, but it does go on, even if it doesn’t live up to my unrealistic expectations. Overall, I think it will be a very happy birthday now that I’ve grown up a bit.

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