I love a great college party.

Few things get me more pumped up at 10 p.m. than throwing on a skin-tight minidress and my brightest lipstick before heading out for a night of drunken dancing until bar-close.

I go to a bar or house party at least every other weekend and I was a regular patron at a few frat houses for a while.

I probably just made myself sound like a slutty idiot, but I’m not. I will be a college graduate come December and I have never gotten a minor, a DUI, an STD, into a bar fight or an unplanned pregnancy. I’ve only puked from drinking once and I can count on one hand the number of nights I can’t remember.

This isn’t luck. It’s called partying responsibly.

Maybe this is just me being uptight, but I’m really not a fan of puking, growing a beer gut, going to jail or having some random dude’s baby. I care a ton about my career — especially now that I’m so close to graduating — and I’m well aware of the consequences that could arise after one night of too much YOLOing.

I also happen to get super bored after too many nights inside watching Spongebob reruns, so that’s why I go out. I crave a certain kind of adventure that doesn’t exist in a fictional pineapple under the sea. This is my recipe for the smartest adventure you’ll ever have.

Get your drink on

I don’t care how much your parents lectured you about how alcohol causes people to get concussions after running into trees, it is perfectly acceptable to enjoy it in moderation. Know your limit and stick with it.

Unfortunately, the most effective way to find out your limit is to pass it. You’ll know you’ve passed your limit when alcohol no longer tastes good or feels fun. Take a break once you’ve passed it or stop drinking for the night.

Fill your red solo cup with water if you’re too embarrassed about not drinking; no one’s going to look in your cup. If people do give you crap about it, then they’re super douchy and lame. Don’t let them get to you.

Stick with straight hard liquor to avoid getting a beer gut. One can of Bud Lite, a common party staple, has 110 calories and is 4.2 percent alcohol, according to fitsugar.com. One 1.5 oz. shot of generic 80 proof vodka has a slightly smaller calorie count and almost 10 times more alcohol. It has 100 calories and 40% alcohol, according to fitnessforweightloss. com.

Mixed drinks and chasers such as soda or juice also add calories and of course, cost more money. If your goal is to get drunk cheaply and not gain weight, stock up on bottles of plain Philips or UV vodka.

Five big glugs from a vodka bottle will typically keep me drunk and feeling light for over two hours, compared to the bloated and slightly tipsy feeling I’d get after five beers. It’s a gazillion times more efficient.

Five happens to be my limit, so I’ll stop for the night after that. That’s when I’ll begin binging on water so my hangover tomorrow morning sucks less.

Five also means I’m not qualified to drive. If you know you won’t have a ride home from Level Ten or that house party, do not drink. Again, fill your red solo cup with water or ask a bartender for water if you feel lame; it’s free and no one will look in your cup.

I’ve had nights where I drank a small amount, then drove home hours later and even though I felt sober, I was paranoid for my whole drive so it didn’t feel worth it. I should’ve just paid for a taxi ride, which is only $5 per person if you have a UND student ID because then I could’ve drank more without the stress.

If you typically party with the same people, take turns being the designated driver to keep it fair. Other options include crashing at a friend’s nearby place or walking home if you live somewhat close and it’s not negative 40 outside.

Get freaky

Sex is like alcohol; totally awesome but should be enjoyed in moderation, unless you’re in a committed relationship. In that case, frequent sex is essential to keep the relationship healthy.

If you’re single though, this doesn’t mean you’re out of luck. You just need to be careful if you don’t want an STD, unplanned pregnancy or reputation as a campus whore.

Never hook up with more than one member of the same student group in the same semester. These groups include Greek houses, sports teams, residence hall floors, workplaces, Student Government, etc. People will
gossip. I know girls who have gotten banned from hanging out at certain frat houses after they hooked up with too many members.

Always use a condom. Every single time, especially if you’re a girl who’s not on birth control. If a guy refuses to wear one, then he’s just as lame and douchy as people who bug others for not drinking. Don’t let him get to
you; there are way better quality guys at UND.

Jaye Millspaugh is the multimedia editor for The Dakota Student. She can be reached at [email protected]